Hated Expressions

Everybody has them. Expressions or phrases that drive you around the twist. According to Grammar girl, Stephen King’s most hated expressions are, ‘many believe’ and ‘some people say’.  I hate ‘they say’. Who are ‘they?’ I ask when someone says this to me, and get a blank stare cause they don’t know who the fuck ‘they are’ either? My partner hates, ‘at the end of the day’ because I say it frequently and in truth I don’t know why I do. I picked it up, just like ‘absolutely’.  My mum hated, ‘you can’t help bad luck’ which my Uncle says a lot. Dad despises, ‘that’s exactly right’…which I must confess, I hear fall out of my mouth more often than it should possibly. ‘I guess’…well do you know or don’t you? To me, ‘I guess’ is a fence sitter who uses it as a response to anything maudlin, it’s not definitive, it’s namby-pamby. It’s a dude wearing long white socks and sandals.

Since the launch of Facebook, (the social media we love to hate and hate to love), the phrase, ‘said no one ever’ and ‘that moment when...’ (you realise Ellen DeGeneres has a hotter wife than you [because why wouldn’t she? Obviously posted by bogan straight guy]), for example, have been favoured posts by many! Unfortunately these have crept into real life. Having a chat with a friend the other day I said, ‘sometimes blue cheese and pepperoni can be too much’ and she said, ‘said no one ever’.  She in turn hates, ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it too’…which of course you can…

’I’m not going to lie to you’…what? So now you’re not going to lie to me but every single thing you’ve said since we met has been lies? Is that what we’re saying here?

What about ‘we’re pregnant’? No, no, you’re not both pregnant, unless you’re both girlfriends and both pregnant. I CANNOT stand that. One of you is pregnant, that does not take the baby away from the other one but ‘we’re not pregnant’. Just no.  No, you’re really fucking not both pregnant.

‘Not a happy camper’, that’s said by a dad wearing those pulled up white socks and sandals isn’t it? Probably wearing a skivvy too.

‘I can tell you but then I’d have to kill you’. Fuck off. Really? Pops humour, not funny and way overused, just like ‘it’s not rocket science’…how would most people even know what rocket science is…it could, in fact be rocket science.  And people! ‘of’ shouldn’t really be used as often as it is.  ‘I should of taken the train’, instead of ‘should have’. ‘I Jumped off of the bed’…it’s simply ‘I jumped off the bed’. Work on that!

I predict the next hated phrase will be (and soon), ‘aint nobody got time for dat’. But my most hated two expressions of all time, king and Queen of hated phrases in fact are, of an evening’ and ‘my bad’. End of message. Just saying! www.kirstieanders.com